<<Instant karma’s gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you’re gonna be dead
What in the world you thinking of
Laughing in the face of love
What on earth you tryin’ to do
Its up to you, yeah you>>
I’ll tell you a secret. I have a short explosive temper which I usually have firm control over. And by firm I mean set- in-concrete-buried-under-a-mountain-firm. This control (and yeah – I have control issues) came from years and years of conditioning. Thou shalt not loose control of thy temper. So now that I’m an adult, my temper tends to leak out when I’m stressed. I’ve been stressed a lot recently. Yesterday started with a panic attack and then slipped in to depression and spiked into temper. Unfortunately that temper was pointed at one of my coworkers who of course and with good reason became offended. So today when I asked if she was mad at me, I got a full return of that temper. I deserve it. Thou shalt not loose thy temper.
However, a small rebellious part of me wants to know why. Why can’t I have a temper when others do? Why can’t I have a bad day and express it without reprisal? That’s the instant karma aspect. Every time I express myself in anger or other emotions, I get beaten down for it. (It’s usually when I’m mad though.) Thou shalt not loose thy temper. Somehow it just doesn’t seem fair.