Ever have one of those “they like him/her better than me” moments? Just had one from reading Facebook, where one of my friends befriended my ex’s new flame. So please forgive me while I re-adjust my thinking:
I chose this path. This is the right path for me. It’s a good path. They have a right (if not a write) to be happy together, just as I have a right (write!) to be happy with myself and whomever I happen to be with next. And I will be with someone again; that person will appreciate my fine qualities and I will not feel like I’ve tossed everything away just so my friends can befriend my replacement. Sigh.
Jealous much? Actually – no, not really. Just alone, Friday night, tired of waiting for the time of change to get here. Waiting, waiting, waiting instead of doing doing doing. Write! Ya bloody well Write. You gotta Write to say!
Natalie Goldberg might suggest that I should use this feeling and dig deep and write it all out and then, perhaps, some character in my future will use this energy that I’ve stored in these words – this depth of feeling I’ve recorded here – and make some damn gripping drama on the page. Or she might not say that. Bullshit all around kids. Anyway – this is me telling myself that it’s okay to feel crappy because someday it’ll all come out as some hapless character who gets his head ripped off in act 2. ;-0
This too shall pass, and I’ll write about it then…