Write a letter to an agent telling her how wonderful you are.
Are you high?
Dear Ms. Agent,
I am writing in response to your request for more biographical information to put on the inside cover.
Here are some random things: I’m an Aries, I graduated in the top third of my class at Northwestern University. I have an MFA in creative writing. My articles on botany and the use of spoons in early archeology appeared in the New York Times. I live in Cambridge, MA. I enjoy warm cups of cappuccino while sitting at Italian bistros and watching the gondolas go past. I have a dog named Max.
I feel that writing should come from the soul, and it can only come from souls that have many experiences, so I have perfected the art of soul-borrowing. Recently, I borrowed the soul of an Vietnam veteran who escaped from an enemy camp. I expect to use his life lessons in my next best seller. Don’t worry, he can have his soul back once you publish the story.
By the way, what kind of life experiences have you had? Did you have an unhappy childhood? Are you divorced? Perhaps we should speak of this more in person. At my laboratory. On Tuesday. We have an appointment then, correct?
So, dear Agent, I do appreciate your asking for more information and am very excited to have my book come out.
Please let me know if you need anything else.