So last night I was video chatting with CWB when I saw a small, baby spider crawl up the curtain next to me. I’m not a fan of spiders because they tend to bite me. I’m not creeped out per se by their eight legs and funky eyes, but the biting stuff and crawling on me when I’m sleeping? So not a fan. CWB asked if it was a dangerous spider (because those happen in the Southwest). I said no.
This morning, I’m in the bathroom – barely awake, doing my morning ritual and I reach over to get my vitamins out of the drawer and there’s an enormous black widow spider, hanging mid-air, just waiting for my hand.
Not cool.
I did not scream (In general, I’m not a screamer. In fact, I’ve had scary dreams where I’d want to scream, but am unable to. I’m not sure what that says about me), but my heart rate did increase. I caught the spider in an empty pill bottle and took it outside, where it will hopefully remember my kindness and not return to the house or send any of its friends into the house. Yuck.
Which got me thinking…
Spider-Man gets super powers from being bitten by a radio-active spider. Spider-Woman gets uranium poisoning and then is injected with spider venom, which gives her super powers. If I’d been bitten by the black widow this morning, and because I’d recently had nuclear testing, would I have gotten super powers?
Imagine.
I’m not sure what super strength would do for me, but being able to climb walls and swing around on webs would be kinda cool.
Maybe my hair would grow long, gray (more gray?), and I’d have spiders living in it that would come out and bite people at my whim. I’d hide in dark corners. I’d catch bugs and lint and dog hair on my web-bed (which would be a pain). My eyes, all eight of them, would be watching for you. My over-bite would probably enlarge and kissing would be a problem.

I think I’ll pass. Thanks though.

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